Shel

Silverstein

Poems

Poetry Book Report

Third Grade

Crazy Dream (1)

Last night I had a crazy dream

That I was teachin’ school.

My teachers had turned into kids,

And I laid down the rules.

I gave ‘em a hundred history books

To memorize each night,

And made ‘em read on their heads

Without turning on the light.

I sent ‘em on a field trip

To the outskirts of Mongolia,

And gave ‘em an overnight assignment

To grow a twenty-foot purple magnolia.

I asked ‘em how many awful grades

Can cause how many tears?

And if they got one answer wrong,

I just hung ‘em up by their ears.

And when they talked or laughed in class,

I pinched ‘em ‘til they cried

Louder and louder – ‘til I woke up

Feelin’ very satisfied.

Smart (2)

My dad gave me one dollar bill

‘Cause I’m his smartest son,

And I swapped it for two shiny quarters

‘Cause two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters

And traded them to Lou

For three dimes…I guess he don’t know

That three is more than two!

Just then, along came old blind Bates

And just ‘cause he can’t see

He gave me four nickels from my three dimes,

And four is more than three!

And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs

Down at the seed-feed store,

The fool gave me five pennies for them,

And five is more than four!

And then I went and showed my dad,

And he got red in the cheeks

And closed his eyes and shook his head…

Too proud of me to speak!

Snowman (3)

‘Twas the first day of springtime,

And the snowman stood alone

As the winter snows were melting,

And the pine trees seemed to groan,

“Ah, you poor sad smiling snowman,

You’ll be melting by and by.”

Said the snowman, “What a pity,

For I’d like to see July.

Yes, I’d like to see July, and

Please don’t ask me why.

But I’d like to, yes I’d like to,

Oh I’d like to see July.

Chirped a robin, just arriving,

“Seasons come and seasons go,

And the greatest ice must crumble

When it’s flowers’ time to grow.

And as one thing is beginning

So another thing must die,

And there’s never been a snowman

Who has ever seen July.

No, they never see July, no matter how they try.

No, they never ever, never ever, never see July.

But the snowman sniffed his carrot nose

And said, “At least I’ll try,”

And he bravely smiled his frosty smile

And blinked his coal-black eye.

And there he stood and faced the sun

A blazin’ from the sky….

And I really cannot tell you

If he ever saw July.

Did he ever see July? You can guess as well as I

If he ever, if he never, if he ever saw July.

Some Things Don’t Make Any Sense At All (4)

My mom says I’m her sugarplum.

My mom says I’m her lamb.

My moms says I’m completely perfect

Just the way I am.

My mom says I’m a super-special wonderful,

Terrific little guy.

My mom just had another baby?

And I’m wondering…why?

Writer Waiting (5)

Oh this shiny new computer

There just isn’t nothin’ cuter.

It knows everything the world ever knew.

And with this great computer

I don’t need no writin’ tutor,

‘Cause there ain’t a single thing that it can’t do.

It can sort and it can spell,

It can punctuate as well.

It can find and file and underline and type.

It can edit and select,

It can copy and correct,

So I’ll have a whole book written by tonight,

Just as soon as it can think of what to write.

Yuck (6)

I stepped in something yucky

As I walked by the crick.

I grabbed a stick to scrape it off,

The yuck stuck to my stick.

I tried to pull it off the stick,

The yuck stuck to my hand.

I tried to wash it off…but it

Stuck to the washin’ pan.

I called my dog to pull me loose,

The yuck stuck to his fur.

He rubbed himself against the cat,

The yuck got stuck to her.

My friends and neighbors came to help….

Now all of us are stuck,

Which goes to show what happens

When one person steps in yuck.

Shapes (7)

A square was sitting quietly

Outside his rectangular shack

When a triangle came down….kerplunk…

And strunk him in the back.

“I must go to the hospital,”

Cried the wounded square,

So a passing rolling circle,

Picked him up and took him there.

Boa Constrictor (8)

Oh, I’m being eaten

By a boa constrictor,

A boa constrictor,

A boa constrictor,

I’m being being eaten by a boa constrictor,

And I don’t like it…one bit.

Well, what do you know?

It’s nibbling my toe.

Oh gee, it’s up to my knee.

Oh my, it’s up to my thigh.

Oh fiddle, it’s up to my middle.

Oh heck, it’s up to my neck.

Oh dread, it’s upmmmmmmmmmfffffff……….

Homework Machine (9)

The homework machine, the homework machine

Most perfect contraption that’s ever been seen.

Just put in your homework, then drop in a dime,

Snap on the switch, and in ten seconds time,

Your homework comes out, quick as can be.

Here it is…”nine plus four” equals “three.”

Three? Oh me….

I guess it’s not as perfect,

As I thought it would be.

Bear in There (10)

There’s a Polar Bear

In our Frigidaire.

He likes it cause it’s cold in there.

With his seat in the meat

And his face in the fish

And his big hairy paws

In the buttery dish,

He’s nibbling the noodles,

He’s munching the rice,

He’s slurping the soda,

He’s licking the ice.

And he lets out a roar,

If you open the door.

And it gives me a scare

To know he’s in there

That Polary Bear

In our Fridgitydaire.

Reflection (11)

Each time I see the Upside Down Man

Standing in the water,

I look at him and start to laugh,

Although I shouldn’t oughtter.

For maybe in another world

Another time,

Another town,

Maybe he is right side up

And I am upside down.

Picture Puzzle Piece (12)

One picture puzzle piece

Lyin’ on the sidewalk,

One picture puzzle piece

Soakin’ in the rain.

It might be a button of blue

On the coat of the woman

Who lived in a shoe.

It might be a magical bean,

Or a fold in the red

Velvet robe of a queen.

It might be the one little bite

Of the apple her stepmother

Gave to Snow White.

It might be a small tuft of hair

On the big bouncy belly

Of Bobo the Bear.

It might be a bit of the cloak

Of the Witch of the West

As she melted to smoke.

It might be a shadowy trace

Of a tear that runs down an angel’s face.

Nothing has more possibilities

Than one old wet picture puzzle piece.

People Zoo (13)

I got grabbed by the elk and the caribou.

They tied me up with a vine lasso

And whisked me away to Animaloo,

Where they locked me up in the People Zoo.

Now I’m here in a cage that is small as can be

You can’t let wild people just run around free,

And I’m fed bread and tea at a quarter to three,

And the animals all come and gander at me.

They point and they giggle and sometimes spit,

There’s bars on my cage, so they can’t hit,

And they yell “Do a trick,” but I stubbornly sit,

Not doin’ nothin’…but thinkin’ a bit.

So if you come visit, just howl, honk, or moo

And try to pretend you’re an animal, too,

‘Cause if you’re a person, they’ll throw you into

Cage Two of the zoo here in Animaloo.

Tusk, Tusk (14)

The Walrus got braces,

And that’s why his face is

A tangle of wires and steel.

He’ll sit and he’ll wait

Till his tusks are both straight..

And then thinks how happy he’ll feel!

But meanwhile, they’re ruining his meal.

The Painter (15)

I’m the man who paints the stripes on the zebras,

And I also paint the warts upon the toad.

And with this brush and pot

I give leopards lovely spots

And add some color to the chipmunk’s coat.

I paint the flamin’ red on Robin Redbreast,

I pour the blue on bluegills by the shore.

And when the firefly’s dim

I splash silver paint on him,

And he shines more brightly than he did before.

Jack Frost? He’s just a part-time workin’ fellah,

Touchin’ up the leaves and trees and things.

He’s famouser than me,

But I’m happier than he,

‘Cause I paint the ones that runs, flies, and sings!

Diving Board (16)

You’ve been up on that diving board

Making sure that it’s nice and straight.

You’ve made sure that it’s not too slick.

You’ve made sure it can stand the weight.

You’ve made sure that the spring is tight.

You’ve made sure that the cloth won’t slip.

You’ve made sure that it bounces right,

And that your toes can get a grip…

And you’ve been up there since half past five

Doin’ everything…but DIVE.

Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog (17)

Mother doesn’t want a dog.

Mother says they smell,

And never sit when you say sit,

Or even when you yell.

And when you come home late at night

And there is ice and snow,

You have to go back out because

The dumb dog has to go.

Mother doesn’t want a dog.

Mother says they shed,

And always let the strangers in

And bark at friends instead,

And do disgraceful things on rugs,

And track mud on the floor,

And flop upon your bed at night

And snore their doggy snore.

Mother doesn’t want a dog.

She’s making a mistake.

Because, more than a dog, I think

She will not want this snake.

Come Skating (18)

They said come skating,

They said it’s so nice.

They said come skating,

I’d done it twice.

They said come skating,

It sounded nice,

I wore roller…

They meant ice.

The Fly Is In (19)

The fly is in

The milk is in

The bottle is in

The fridge is in

The kitchen is in

The house is in

The town.

The flea is on

The dog is on

The quilt is on

The bed is on

The carpet is on

The floor is on

The ground

The worm is under

The ground is under

The grass is under

The blanket is under

The diaper is under

The baby is under

The tree.

The bee is bothering

The puppy is bothering

The dog is bothering

The cat is bothering

The baby is bothering

Mama is bothering

Me.

Snowball (20)

I made myself a snowball

As perfect as could be.

I thought I’d keep it as a pet

And let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas

And a pillow for it’s head.

Then last night it ran away,

But first, it wet the bed.

Captain Hook (21)

Captain Hook must remember

Not to scratch his toes.

Captain Hook must watch out

And never pick his nose.

Captain Hook must be gentle

When he shakes your hand.

Captain Hook must be careful

Openin’ sardine cans

And playing tag and pouring tea

And turning’ pages of his book.

Lots of folks I’m glad I ain’t…

But mostly Captain Hook.

Eight Balloons (22)

Eight balloons no one was buyin’

All broke loose one afternoon.

Eight balloons with strings a flyin’

Free to do what they wanted to.

One flew up to touch the sun – Pop!

One thought highways might be fun – Pop!

One took a nap in a cactus pile – Pop!

One stayed to play with a careless child – Pop!

One tried to taste some bacon fryin’ – Pop!

One fell in love with a porcupine – Pop!

One looked close in a crocodile’s mouth – Pop!

One sat around ‘til his air ran out – Woosh!

Eight balloons no one was buyin’

They broke loose and away they flew,

Free to float and free to fly

And free to pop where they wanted to.

The Search (23)

I went to find the pot of gold

That’s waiting where the rainbow ends

I searched and searched

And searched and searched, and then,

There is was, deep in the grass,

Under an old and twisty bough.

It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine at last…

What do I search for now?

Unscratchable Itch (24)

There is a spot that you can’t scratch

Right between your shoulder blades,

Like an egg that just won’t hatch

Here you set and there it stays.

Turn and squirm and try to reach it,

Twist your neck and bend your back,

Hear your elbows creak and crack,

Stretch your fingers, now you bet it’s

Going to reach – no that won’t get it-

Hold your breath and stretch and pray,

Only just an inch away,

Worse than a sunbeam you can’t catch

Is that one spot that you can’t scratch.

The Nailbiter (25)

Some people manicure their nails,

Some people trim them neatly,

Some people keep them filed down,

I bite ‘em off completely.

Yes, it’s a nasty habit, but

Before you start to scold,

Remember, I have never ever

Scratched a single soul.

It’s Dark in Here (26)

I am writing these poems

From inside a lion,

And it’s rather dark in here.

So please excuse the handwriting

Which may not be too clear.

But this afternoon by the lion’s cage

I’m afraid I got too near.

And I’m writing these lines

From inside a lion,

And it’s rather dark in here.

For Sale (27)

One sister for sale! One sister for sale!

One crying and spying sister for sale,

I’m really not kidding,

So who’ll start the bidding?

Do I hear a dollar”

A nickel? A penny?

Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there, any

One kid who will buy this old sister for sale

This crying and spying young sister for sale?

Learning (28)

I’m learning to say thank you.

And I’m learning to say please.

And I’m learning to use Kleenex,

Not my sweater when I sneeze.

And I’m learning not to dribble.

And I’m learning not to slurp.

And I’m learning though it

Sometimes really hurts me…

Not to burp.

And I’m learning to chew softer

When I eat corn on the cob.

And I’m learning that it’s much

Much easier just to be a slob.

If the World Was Crazy (29)

If the world was crazy, you know what I’d eat?

A big slice of soup and a whole quart of meat,

A lemonade sandwich, and then I might try

Some roasted ice cream or a bicycle pie,

A nice notebook salad, an underwear roast,

An omelet of hats and crisp cardboard toast,

A malted milk made from pencils and daisies,

And that’s what I’d eat if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I’d wear?

A chocolate suit and a tie of éclair,

Some marshmallow earmuffs, some licorice shoes,

And I’d read a paper of peppermint news.

I’d call the boys “Suzy” and the girls “Harry”,

I’d talk through my ears, and I’d always carry

A paper umbrella for when it grew hazy

To keep in the rain, if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I’d do?

I’d walk on the ocean and swim in my shoe,

I’d fly through the ground and I’d skip in the air,

I’d run down the bathtub and bathe on the stair.

When I met somebody I’d say “G’bye Joe,”

And when I was leaving – then I’d say “Hello.”

And the greatest of men would be silly and lazy

So I would be king….if the world was crazy.

Zebra Question (30)

I asked the zebra,

Are you black with white stripes?

Or white with black stripes?

And the zebra asked me,

Are you good with bad habits?

Or are you bad with good habits?

Are you noisy with quiet times?

Or are you quiet with noisy times?

Are you happy with some sad days?

Or are you sad with some happy days?

Are you neat with some sloppy ways?

Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on

And on and on he went.

I’ll never ask a zebra

About his stripes again.

Senses (31)

A Mouth was talking to a Nose and an Eye.

A passing listening Ear,

Said, “Pardon me, but you spoke so loud,

I couldn’t help but overhear.”

But the Mouth closed and the Nose turned up…

And the Eye just looked away,

And the Ear with nothing more to hear

Went sadly on its way.

One Two (32)

One two, buckle my shoe.

“Buckle your own shoe!”

Who said that?

“I did. What are you doing with those

silly buckles on your shoes anyway?”

Three, four, shut the door.

“You shut it – you opened it.”

Er…five, six, pick up sticks.

“Why should I pick them up – do you think

I’m your slave? Next thing you’ll be

telling me to lay them straight.”

Nine, ten, a big fat… oh never mind!

Magic Carpet (33)

You have a magic carpet

That will whiz you through the air,

To Spain or Maine or Africa

If you just tell it where.

So will you let it take you

Where you’ve never been before,

Or will you buy some drapes to match

And use it on your floor?

The Silver Fish (34)

While fishing in the blue lagoon

I caught a lovely silver fish,

And he spoke to me, “My boy,” quoth he,

“Please set me free and I’ll grant your wish..

“A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?

Or all the goodies your fancies can hold?”

So I said, “Ok,” and I threw him free,

And he swam away and he laughed at me

Whispering my foolish wish into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again,

That lovely silver prince of fishes,

And once again he offered me..

If I would only set him free…

Any one of a number of wonderful wishes….

Boy, was he delicious!

Recipe for a Hippopotamus Sandwich (35)

A hippo sandwich is easy to make.

All you do is simply take

One slice of bread,

One slice of cake,

Some mayonnaise,

One onion ring,

One Hippopotamus,

One piece of string,

A dash of pepper…

That ought to do it.

And now comes the problem..

Biting into it!

Invention (36)

I’ve done it, I’ve done it!

Guess what I’ve done!

Invented a light that plugs into the sun.

The sun is bright enough,

The bulb is strong enough,

But, oh, there’s only one thing wrong,

The cord ain’t long enough!

Eighteen Flavors (37)

Eighteen luscious, scrumptious flavors..

Chocolate, lime and cherry,

Coffee, pumpkin, fudge-banana,

Caramel cream and boysenberry,

Rocky road and toasted almond,

Butterscotch, vanilla dip,

Butter-brickle, apple ripple,

Coconut and mocha chip,

Brandy peach and lemon custard,

Each scoop lovely, smooth, and round,

Tallest ice-cream cone in town,

Lying there (sniff) on the ground.

The Toucan (38)

Tell me who can

Catch a toucan?

Lou can.

Just how few can

Ride the toucan?

Two can.

What kind of goo can

Stick you to the toucan?

Glue can.

Who can write some

More about the toucan?

You can!

Tree House (39)

A tree house, a free house,

A secret you and me house,

A high up in the left branches

Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,

Be sure and wipe your feet house,

Is not my kind of house at all…

Let’s go live in a tree house.

One Inch Tall (40)

If you were only one inch tall,

You’d ride a worm to school.

The teardrop of a crying ant

Would be your swimming pool.

A crumb of cake would be a feast

And last you seven days at least,

A flea would be a frightening beast

If you were one inch tall.

If you were only one inch tall,

You’d walk beneath the door,

And it would take about a month

To get down to the store.

A bit of fluff would be your bed,

You’d swing upon a spider’s thread,

And wear a thimble on your head

If you were one inch tall.

You’d surf across the kitchen sink,

Upon a stick of gum.

You couldn’t hug your mama,

You’d have to hug her thumb.

You’d run from people’s feet in fright,

To move a pen would take all night,

This poem took fourteen years to write,

‘Cause I’m just one inch tall.

Spaghetti (41)

Spaghetti, spaghetti, all over the place,

Up to my elbows…up to my face,

Over the carpet and under the chairs,

Into the hammock and wound round the stairs,

Filling the bathtub and covering the desk,

Making the sofa a mad mushy mess.

The party is ruined, I’m terribly worried,

The guests have all left (unless they’re all buried)

I told them, “Bring presents and throw confetti”.

I guess they heard wrong,

‘Cause they all threw spaghetti!

Sick (42)

“I cannot go to school today,”

Said little Peggy Ann McKay.

“I have the measles and the mumps,

A gash, a rash, and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,

I’m going blind in my right eye.

My tonsils are as big as rocks,

I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox

And there’s one more...that’s seventeen,

And don’t you think my face looks green?

My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,

It might be instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,

I’m sure that my left leg is broke.

My hip hurts when I move my chin,

My belly button’s caving in,

My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,

My appendix pains each time it rains.

My nose is cold, my toes are numb,

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,

I hardly whisper when I speak.

My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,

My temperature is one-o-eight.

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There is a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is ..what?

What’s that? What’s that you say?

You say today is….Saturday?

Goodbye…I’m going out to play!”

The End……